Prone To Wander

Life lately has been dull. I have found myself in a rut of sorts with nothing really exciting happening aside from the sun shining through the ever impeding clouds in the mornings. I have been lacking motivation and the drive to do pretty much anything. I am currently in the process of obtaining a new job since my last one fell through due to a loss in job on the daddios part. Sad. So I have been without schedule and without car without roommates without the need to do much at all. I already struggled enough keeping up on my online classes and now I really don't feel the need to do them whatsoever. However through this slow and dull two week period I have realized some things about myself. I was astonished when I realized I have become subject to being idle. I have just been wandering around aimlessly not immersing myself in the opportunities that surround me (even if they seem difficult to find). I have become subject to wandering. I am prone to wander currently and I honestly cannot live this way anymore. It is beyond frustrating and unexpecedly exhausting and completely and utterly dull. I've realized that I never want to feel this way. Even if I don't have a vehicle of transport currently, or a steady job, or some of my wonderful friends right here with me I do have my own talents and abilities that I need to dedicate to this time I DO have off. I can't just sit around and wait for something to come and get me going for the day. THAT'S MY JOB. I have to wake up and eat a healthy breakfast. I have to resist the urge to flop on the couch and watch TV all day or sit on Facebook waiting for another random notification and getting disappointed when it is some invite or something I could care less about (no offense). I have to get ready for the day and take charge of my life. There's no point in just waiting around for my classes to scream FINISH YOUR HOMEWORK! Or for my fat rolls to protrude so much that I think "huh, I probably should lay off the soda and snacking and sulking and get off my broken butt." Or for my mother to come to find me amidst piles of laundry and half started projects because I get distracted easily and basically have ADD. I am 20 years old. I may be home from school but I have the ability and capacity to take charge of my life currently and do something happy and exciting and uplifting with everyday that I have, even the "down days" where I really have nothing to do. I have the ability to change lives and make a difference but what I am learning very quickly is that there is no way I can make that difference or change that life if I don't start with myself.

So here is my pledge: I will no longer be prone to wandering. I will make something of myself despite this nothingness I feel. I will seize the day. I will no longer be subject to this idleness, but instead I will wake up each morning at a decent time and ready myself for each day and by mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually prepared for each day. "Here's my heart, O take and seal it, Seal it for thy Courts above" My heart will be worthy of being sealed above.