Prone To Wander

Life lately has been dull. I have found myself in a rut of sorts with nothing really exciting happening aside from the sun shining through the ever impeding clouds in the mornings. I have been lacking motivation and the drive to do pretty much anything. I am currently in the process of obtaining a new job since my last one fell through due to a loss in job on the daddios part. Sad. So I have been without schedule and without car without roommates without the need to do much at all. I already struggled enough keeping up on my online classes and now I really don't feel the need to do them whatsoever. However through this slow and dull two week period I have realized some things about myself. I was astonished when I realized I have become subject to being idle. I have just been wandering around aimlessly not immersing myself in the opportunities that surround me (even if they seem difficult to find). I have become subject to wandering. I am prone to wander currently and I honestly cannot live this way anymore. It is beyond frustrating and unexpecedly exhausting and completely and utterly dull. I've realized that I never want to feel this way. Even if I don't have a vehicle of transport currently, or a steady job, or some of my wonderful friends right here with me I do have my own talents and abilities that I need to dedicate to this time I DO have off. I can't just sit around and wait for something to come and get me going for the day. THAT'S MY JOB. I have to wake up and eat a healthy breakfast. I have to resist the urge to flop on the couch and watch TV all day or sit on Facebook waiting for another random notification and getting disappointed when it is some invite or something I could care less about (no offense). I have to get ready for the day and take charge of my life. There's no point in just waiting around for my classes to scream FINISH YOUR HOMEWORK! Or for my fat rolls to protrude so much that I think "huh, I probably should lay off the soda and snacking and sulking and get off my broken butt." Or for my mother to come to find me amidst piles of laundry and half started projects because I get distracted easily and basically have ADD. I am 20 years old. I may be home from school but I have the ability and capacity to take charge of my life currently and do something happy and exciting and uplifting with everyday that I have, even the "down days" where I really have nothing to do. I have the ability to change lives and make a difference but what I am learning very quickly is that there is no way I can make that difference or change that life if I don't start with myself.

So here is my pledge: I will no longer be prone to wandering. I will make something of myself despite this nothingness I feel. I will seize the day. I will no longer be subject to this idleness, but instead I will wake up each morning at a decent time and ready myself for each day and by mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually prepared for each day. "Here's my heart, O take and seal it, Seal it for thy Courts above" My heart will be worthy of being sealed above.

Wish They All Could Be California Girls

Today I decided to go to the beach. I've been sick all week and busy busy and decided I need to get some sunshine and breath some fresh ocean air. It was a beautiful day and I really enjoyed time with the ocean and myself. 

It was a beautiful day :) I was only there for a couple of hours but it was enough for me to take pictures, see dolphins, and feel the cool ocean breeze. I truly am grateful for the blessing of being a California native. It's a part of my life and culture. As I drove down Kanan road to the beach the ocean came into view and I was singing and humming along to "Rhythm of Love" my song of the week, and I was just amazed at the beauty in front of me. I felt bad as I realized I have this incredible view at my fingertips everyday. While some of my good friends are stuck in the frigid -34 degrees of Rexburg, Idaho. So yes, coming home this semester was a good decision. I'm grateful to be a California girl :)

Hummin' Along

I am no longer a teenager. Wait a minute. I feel like that statement needs to be declared much louder and stronger. I AM NO LONGER A TEENAGER! That's better. When I think of those words a swirl of feelings overcomes me. I feel happy, strange, sentimental, weird, old, young, in need of a more exciting life, scared, intrigued, and so much more. As I have pondered over the past two days of being 20 years old I have come to realize some things I want to change with this new change in age. I want to be more free. I want to do crazy things. I want to dare and explore. I want to scream HOORAY for being a true adult. I want to get in shape and take control of my life. I want to be free and sound and happy and courageous. I want to find passion and sway to the rhythm of love. I want to find true love and feel comforted in someone's arms. I want to become a mother, a wife, a missionary, a friend, a leader, a listener, and more. I have a lot to offer and as I look back over the many wonderful years of my life I see that I have already offered so much and given what I have had to give in order to bless and enrich others. I want to take time to discover Karla. I want to write and read and sing and dance until my voice is hoarse and my hips are soar. I want to be thought of as extraordinary and enchanting when I meet people--because more often than not I am thinking the same thing about them when I meet them. I want to play at the beach and appreciate the beautiful nature around me. I want to teach children with disabilities. I want to enjoy my college years and take better advantage of my education. I want and pray for an incredible twenties experience. An experience where I find out who Karla Thelma really is. An experience where I find peace in my soul. Where I find what I want out of this life. Where I find my grove, my rhythm, my heart. I am still discovering so many parts of my own soul as I experience so many different facets of life. I look forward to my very own "roaring twenties" to find love and keep it, to make life, to create passion and heartache out of pure and simple love. I plan long after my twenties are gone to still be hummin' along to the beautiful rhythm I left behind me.

Sebastian, My Love

Dearest McKenna Rose Lawler this is for your own viewing pleasure along with anyone else's who cares enough about our new pet-Sebastian. He will put the finishing touch in our soon to be beach themed bedroom for Spring semester 2011. So McKenna, my dear, while you are in Mexico I figured I would document the adventure to get our new "child" (haha for lack of a better term-which if you were here I'm sure you would be able to give me;) Here is the hunt for Sebastian:

This is where the hunt for the perfect hermit crab began.

Walking in to the fish section. Nerves mounting.

So excited! We are so close

(I'd like to take this time to acknowledge my wonderful supporter and camera woman: Erin Benton)

Love at first sight. He was the first one I saw and he was looking at me! I knew it right then.

So many things to get to keep him happy and healthy! We had lots of fun picking out shells, sand, and food. Hermit crabs are really neat little creatures. They love to climb and you always have to have a wet sponge in their cage for them to drink out of and to keep the air moist (you have no idea how hard it was to type that word).

Signing the "adoption" papers! The key thing to notice is the tall curly haired guy in the background awkwardly staring. He is the guy who helped us, but we were too scared/bashful to get an actual picture with him. He was cute...braces and all ;) However, Erin, being the sneaky girl she is, was able to get him in the picture anyways...hence the main reason for this picture. 

Complete! Sebastian is coming home :)

We took him on his first shopping trip. See him sitting in front of the baby seat. Ya that's how we roll.

Hanging our with Auntie Erin :)

His new home. No the little brown pellets in the corner are not poop. It is his food. 

Hope you enjoyed this and feel a included in the adventure, hunt, and adoption of our newest member Sebastian Horne-Lawler. HAHA! Love and miss you and Carly Kay :)

A Year In Review: What really matters

I saw a good friend of my do this on Facebook and decided I should do it too (just not as highly publicized :) So I pulled out my journals and planners and started reminiscing, hoping I would smile on the good times and do my best to make it through the hard.

2010 in Review:

January:

• Learning to move on
• Nannying for Taylor family
• Catching up with old friends
• Maya "Fuega" (bearded dragon) introduced to the family
• Singing
• Introduction to Singles Ward
• Sleepovers with Erin
• Online classes
• Stake Conference
• Dates
• 19th birthday with family

February:

• The spark of another relationship--lots of hiking :)
• Dad accepts a calling
• Surprise Valentine
• Overnight Nannying for Jaggi's
• New relationship with Nicholas Kirkham begins
• Another first kiss
• New calling: Ward Music Director

March: 

• Clippers vs. Jazz 
• Disneyland
• Love is in the air
• Hospital and Temple Visit
• Beauty and the Beast
• Marriage talks
• Nannying Jacobs family
• Hot tub nights

April:

• Beach, beach, and more beach
• Salt Lake City Road trip with Kirkhams!
• General Conference
• Big Gulps
• Temple hopping
• Greek Goddess
• California Adventure
• Santa Barbara Zoo
• Tears and a hard goodbye
• 2nd semester at BYU-I
• School, new ward, new apartment

May:

• Skype dates
• Fiesta Forever
• New Calling: Activities Committee
• Priesthood blessing
• Temple visits
• Special Olympics
• Church Talk
• Surprise birthday for Stephenie
• Memorial Day Weekend in Utah

June: 

• Midterms
• Ultimate Frisbee
• Nicholas visits- Yellowstone, babysitting, Taylor Swift moments, Bonanza, and lots of tears 
• Time for a break
• Nerds
• DAVID ARCHULETA CONCERT AND BOOK SIGNING!
• Taco Bus
• Shooting
• Bridge Jumping 

July: 

• Mission Calls and Farewells
• Bear Lake 4th of July
• Mud Football
• Rexburg Nursing
• Devastating heartbreak
• Eclipse
• Latin Dancing with Cameron
• The final days
• Home
• Toy Story 3
• A harsh reality

August:

• Passing of two dear friends
• Spiritual connections
• Cameron visits!
• Dodger night
• Heather Hamilition's wedding
• German friends
• Family
• Double Dates
• Borrego Springs
• Cousin Dates

September:

• Back to the Burg
• Road trip to Montana
• Trenna's Wedding!
• Dates :)
• School again
• Old movies
• BOUGHT A CAR "Baby"
• More dating

October: 

• Conference weekend
• University Choir
• Straw maze
• Inkom
• M&Ms
• Sunrise hike
• Halloween Parties as Peter Pan Cast of, and Jungle Women

November:

• Horkley's
• Provo trip
• Harry Potter!
• Concerts 
• Singing in church
• HOME FOR THANKSGIVING
• Met Elder Bednar

December:

• More dating
• "All I Ask of You"
• Sledding accident-broken tail bone
• The Messiah Concert
• BYUI Center dedication performance "Come Thou Fount"
• Another "first kiss"
• Graduation Commencement
• Hard goodbyes
• Home-"Silent Night"
• Christmas
• Chocolate fruit 
• New Nanny Job!
• New Years Eve: Golf N' Stuff

It was an incredible year. Looking back I feel a wide range of emotions. I grew up a lot! I struggled with getting over relationships, starting new ones, getting over them again, and starting the cycle all over again. I learned to heal and to smile through my tears. I learned that my faith is a lot stronger than I thought. Most of all I made great friends and kept in touch with the people I love and care for dearly. Although it has been a hard year I am grateful for the struggles I had and for the lessons I have learned. Through them I have become stronger and more in tune with what I want and what the Lord wants for me. I've come to realize what really matters.

Playing Mommy

I have just started my nanny position for a sweet family from my Church. I have been watching them for 3 days now and am completely in love with their little smiles, tiny feet, and mischievous ways. Sure it's bound to get difficult as tantrums are thrown, spit up and diapers erupt, and all chaos breaks loose--but I'm already realizing it's totally worth it. I definitely have my hands full with three children under age 5.

Matthew is 4 and full of life. He is extremely bright and can already catch me in the many mistakes I make daily. I usually am able to let those slip past but he is one smart cookie. Matthew is kind and caring and has an incredible imagination, but boy can he scream!

Spencer is 2 and has very little verbal skills but man is he a cutie pie! He is full of life and has the biggest melt your heart smile in the book. He's a stinker because he understands what you're saying but usually chooses when  he will listen and when he pretends to not understand. Ornery but so sweet.

Kaylee is 6 months old and a little angel. She is one of the most calm and easiest babies I have ever worked with. She doesn't like to sleep much but she does love to laugh and play and just cuddle. I can't complain--she is a doll!

Being with these sweet children has really got me thinking about my own future family and what I want and what I look forward to. I can't wait until the time comes for me to be a wife and a mother and to have my sweet husband come home to me and play with the kids and just be a happy family. I happily await that day. Until then I'm just playing mommy.

Music to My Ears

This semester I had the opportunity to participate in numerous musical performances as I battled my hectic schedule Fall semester 2010. I participated in two devotionals, a large performance with Women's Glee, Handel's Messiah, and the BYU-Idaho Center Dedication and Graduation ceremonies. These various performances were what kept me afloat this semester. I was challenged by switching from 2nd Soprano to 1st Alto. I definitely gained a lot of respect for my fellow Altos.

Singing is an incredible ability to express emotions and to deliver joy and happiness to those around you. Singing brings me ultimate joy, it is one of my greatest passions, and one of my most fulfilling talents. I had the opportunity to be in the Messiah concert, where over 600 BYU-Idaho students participated in singing and playing Handel's Messiah, one of his greatest masterpieces. I was one of the 500 choir members and had the pleasure of sitting next to my beautiful roommate McKenna Lawler--while my other roommate, Brindisi Stotts, played Violin in the orchestra. It was an amazing experience to sing beautiful words to the audience packed in the Hart auditorium, but most importantly to sing to my Savior, Jesus Christ.

The last two performances I participated in were in the newly dedicated BYU-Idaho Center. I was priveldged to  sing on the same stage as President Eyring, Elder Bednar, and Elder Nelson at the dedicatory services of the new center. It was an incredible experience. I have never been so moved by the Spirit, I definitely was in need of a pack of tissues at that service. We sang the song "Come Thou Fount" and before we were to sing it, while we were practicing in the gym (10 basketball courts!) our conductor moved us with some inspired words. He said to remember WHO we are singing this song of praise to. WHO we are dedicating ourselves to that day. We weren't singing to the audience, or the Apostles, or the conductor, but we were singing to Him, our Father and also to our Savior. It was our time to sing of our love and devotion straight to Him. "Safely to arrive at home" along with many other beautiful phrases pierced my spirit, that has honestly been in need of shaping up lately. I was extremely moved and grateful for the incredible experience of singing at such a historic event.


Here he is. What a happy guy. I love him dearly. The picture below is the first choir that sang in the BYU-Idaho Center for the Dedication. You probably won't be able to pick me out but I am there!